Thanks Oak Park, IL my new heels are covered in Dog shit

Okay usually as a writer I have something to “say” or write about, and this shithole Oak Park, IL is usually the bane of my existence so I write about that. However, do you know what I have been doing the last three days? Cleaning. Dog. Shit. Off my yellow Seychelles heels, I got from DSW four months ago! DOG SHIT!

I know what you are thinking:

Was she drunk as hell and just walked straight into a pile of shit, the lush?

Was she out late at night, dressing provocatively and this is the Universe telling her “don’t be out at night” type of thing?

Was she out late at night, and probably needs glasses because she did see that big pile of steamy shit, the dumb bitch??

The Answer is no to all that shit.

In fact, it was around 5:30 pm-ish when I came home I was just not paying attention. I know that is one of my golden rules when living in Oak Park, IL: do not let your guard down, pay attention. Well, I was on the phone with Sarah and talking about the weekend when I walked into a fresh pile of dog shit on the sidewalk. And obviously, it was a big dog or a human being who decided take a dump on the side of the main sidewalk in front of my building on Harvey. And either the owner did not clean up because they were too fucking lazy, or the latter I was just dealing with a disgusting human being who thought it was funny to take a shit. Right there. In front. Of the building.

If you know the type of shoes I am talking about you will realize I knew immediately I stepped in a fresh pile of shit. You know OPEN TOE heels it was so nasty I had to go immediately to the basement and wash not only my heel off but foot as well. It was so fucking nasty. I cried because I just started to wear these heels out and they complimented a bunch of outfits.

I had to use bleach, tomato sauce and three types of soap on my foot because it stunk like shit and this was on Monday so it was not like I had the weekend to get the smell out! Then my shoes I had to wash dry then wash again multiple times, I wiped it down with antibacterial wipes and then some lemon juice. After two days of airing out I think I can wear them but now I got like PSTD from this event that every time I look at them I think of stepping in squishy dog shit. Thanks, Oak Park, IL thanks.

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