Thanks Oak Park, IL my new heels are covered in Dog shit

Okay usually as a writer I have something to “say” or write about, and this shithole Oak Park, IL is usually the bane of my existence so I write about that. However, do you know what I have been doing the last three days? Cleaning. Dog. Shit. Off my yellow Seychelles heels, I got from DSW four months ago! DOG SHIT!

I know what you are thinking:

Was she drunk as hell and just walked straight into a pile of shit, the lush?

Was she out late at night, dressing provocatively and this is the Universe telling her “don’t be out at night” type of thing?

Was she out late at night, and probably needs glasses because she did see that big pile of steamy shit, the dumb bitch??

The Answer is no to all that shit.

In fact, it was around 5:30 pm-ish when I came home I was just not paying attention. I know that is one of my golden rules when living in Oak Park, IL: do not let your guard down, pay attention. Well, I was on the phone with Sarah and talking about the weekend when I walked into a fresh pile of dog shit on the sidewalk. And obviously, it was a big dog or a human being who decided take a dump on the side of the main sidewalk in front of my building on Harvey. And either the owner did not clean up because they were too fucking lazy, or the latter I was just dealing with a disgusting human being who thought it was funny to take a shit. Right there. In front. Of the building.

If you know the type of shoes I am talking about you will realize I knew immediately I stepped in a fresh pile of shit. You know OPEN TOE heels it was so nasty I had to go immediately to the basement and wash not only my heel off but foot as well. It was so fucking nasty. I cried because I just started to wear these heels out and they complimented a bunch of outfits.

I had to use bleach, tomato sauce and three types of soap on my foot because it stunk like shit and this was on Monday so it was not like I had the weekend to get the smell out! Then my shoes I had to wash dry then wash again multiple times, I wiped it down with antibacterial wipes and then some lemon juice. After two days of airing out I think I can wear them but now I got like PSTD from this event that every time I look at them I think of stepping in squishy dog shit. Thanks, Oak Park, IL thanks.

My disdain for Oak Park will never leave

Being a student of psychology, I hate to use labels and psychological terminology. But having lived and escaped from Oak Park, I swear I experience some sort of Post-Traumatic Stress whenever I come close to this town or have to drive through it.  For those who may think that statement goes too far, I beg to differ.

My heartbeat accelerates, my eye begins to twitch, I sweat, I curse, and my anger is stimulated.  All of this, as a result of living in Oak Park.  They say that life experiences can change you.  Well living in Oak Park changed me.  And not for the better.

For as long as I can remember, living out south in my youth, I always looked at Oak Park, through the lenses of an immature child. The full trees, along with the manicured and immaculate lawns, almost always drew me in. Well until I actually stepped out of the car, and begin to walk and experience the streets of Oak Park.

If the stress of avoiding dog poop, like landmines that are almost everywhere are not enough, try living near elderly white women who approach other’s like it is their duty to direct the village. Or how about digesting on a daily basis the name of Ernest Hemingway or Frank Lloyd Wright, whom this town utilizes in every marketing ploy imaginable.

Having had the opportunity of living there, I also experienced the lack of parking (I had to move my car at least two or three times a day to abide by the various parking restrictions), news reports on individuals from neighboring towns (the west side of Chicago) coming to this “precious” area to break into homes or cars, or businesses opening up one day, to be shut down the next (damn I miss Falafel).

It is not the hippie-loving easy going atmosphere that I presumed it to be.  It is overly congested, overly populated (with people and dogs) with know it all’s that embrace a very sheltered form of living.

The idea of “vintage” is actually a management’s office way of not updating the apartments. From my experience, painting already chipped “lead based” walls is not the same as updating the apartment.  But if you like to use the word “vintage” like Oak Park almost always does, keep in mind you may have old broke down living arrangements.  Thanks “Green plan management”!

There are many other great suburbs or towns to live in, that are not far from downtown.  After living in Oak Park, I opted out for one of these calmer cities that do not evoke my anxiety to levels of rage. You may want to do the same or at least consider it if you are thinking “No Park” I mean “Oak Park” is the way to go.

 

Writing for Oak Park, IL blog

It has been hard to write for the blog, work at the job, wash my ass, eat properly, and do schoolwork. It is the schoolwork that is the problem I have one of these passive aggressive teachers who takes offense when you ask questions to clarify about their lecture, or discussion points. When you got Graduate assistants dropping the class, and other older students shaking their heads when they leave the class, you know that this instructor is a clusterfuck. They try to get us to do group work in the class, and I wonder what age does this methodology stop being in play? Because I am an adult and I deal with enough irresponsible adults leaving their dog’s shit in my apartment building’s courtyard without picking it up, now I got to deal with picking up the slack of grown adults to make sure my grade is okay.

Then the instructor freaks out doing all their reminder shit involving the entire group like I did my part of the work and turned it to the rest of the group and the instructor so they know I completed my group work portion. I truly do not understand why the instructor adds me into this shit when my work is on a doctorate level than the graduate level we are currently in. Half of my fellow students, cannot even get the assignments in on time, nor, write more than two pages for major assignments. Truly with this shit going on I come home turn on the Netflix, read the assigned text and write my shit for the next assignment.

I believe that if I do this I will have enough time to cover my ass when my fellow students do stupid shit. Yeah, it is called time management something that my neighbors upstairs have no idea about when playing with their dog at 11:27 pm at night. I never had this type of trouble until I moved into Oak Park, IL bar none, it is like this fucking place is cursed, or spat upon by the heavens above. Probably because of all the dog shit.

Oak Park, IL is just shitty compared to other burbs

After the shit on Friday, I was like I will hang with my friend Sarah on the weekend and I was like in heaven, it was nice out and very quiet in her area. Now I see why Svengoolie always says “Berwyn” people are not up your ass being noisy and wanting to tell you what to do. The big plus also there is that I saw maybe one person walking their dog in a 5 block radius, wherein Oak Park, Il you cannot even go outside into the courtyard to see a dog and its owner. Oh also to step in dog shit.

The neighbors are quiet in her apartment building, I would characterize their behavior as if almost like they were trying to avoid contact with other people. We took out the garbage went to a local bar, okay, okay, two local bars “persuasion” and another one (too lit sorry). We picked up some White Castles after we got wasted and it tasted like mana from God, it was so good. It was crazy because there were businesses that were open past 10 pm!

Like for adults to actually go and hang out, unlike Oak Park, IL where the commercial businesses are aimed towards kids and retirees. I think the only issues was the town-wide 25 mph speed limit because as you know going through Oak Park, IL even in daylight is boring as fuck, so most of the time you like to speed through to get that drive and life experience over with.

In fact, to get a White Castle to steady the mixed drinks we were getting when we were drinking at my place in Oak Park, IL (because they are no real hangouts after 10 pm) we would have to travel through Most of Oak Park, IL, River Forest and part of Melrose Park, Il to get a few freaking burgers. Therefore, comparing Berwyn, IL (made famous by the Wayne’s World movie) to Oak Park, IL is comparing Apples to Cranberries for fun stuff to do if you are between 20 to 60 years old.

Hell, I know 68 years olds who like to get a great hot cheeseburger at 11 pm at night, so yes, Oak Park, Il is lame as shit. Rent elsewhere, own property elsewhere, party elsewhere just do everything elsewhere, like getting laid; Oak Park, Il is just shitty.

The Window on Sunday in Oak Park, IL

It was such a nice day on Sunday I decided to open a window to the courtyard and get some air into the place. Being a “vintage” apartment it can get stuffy and rank in this bitch. So I open up the window and thought “that’s nice” thirty minutes later Oak Park, Il showed its ugliness. “yep yep yep” that all I heard for like 15 minutes one of my dumb ass neighbors thought they should share their dog’s hyper activeness with the rest of the building.

I mean like we bought the dog, and are training it to be quiet in public right? No, my neighbor had that dog out there bouncing around and “yepping” so I go to the window to see the dog shitting and backing at the same time with…. The neighbor looking her ass my way! 

Uh look freak-o keep your eyes on your dog shitting all over the courtyard instead of looking and smiling at me. I closed the window and blinds and walked away. I moved to another window to stare back I guess without my ass providing a show she got bored and took her hyper dog inside. Wait! Without cleaning the dog shit up. (sighs) These neighbors in Oak Park, Il are ridiculous.

I wish I knew her email address so I could send here this:

A clip from the tv show Billions –https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E1OxEau2OS4

But she would probably respond like this clip from the movie I Love You, Man, the Psycho Bitch:  

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hHeh50MRaWk

pomeranianThumb.jpg

Detoxing from Oak Park, IL

I have actually spent the time off detoxing before heading… Anywhere. Ha plus I have written a couple of posts about my experiences in the last couple of days and I am writing some posts and scheduling them for my favorite season, Halloween, already. So when you think that I have less to say, oh no, I still do! So that way I have a clear head, and body detoxed as best as I could from Oak Park Il and 2016 I am so glad to be rid of at least one of these pains in the ass from my life!

Hopefully this will be a better year but with the privileged Assholes in oak park, Il I sincerely doubt it because they also draw out some type of crazy fuckery out of their hats like an insane Magician high on crack and anarchy, ready to surprise the world with their shit and nut job ways.

Just drive thru Oak park, Il and You will see what I mean, from the bold pieces of shit doing u turns in the middle of Harrison street where there is no fucking room to the People who push baby strollers out into the middle of a crossway on lake street while trying to corral their dogs at the same time! Oak Park, Il is especially littered with crazy fucking attitudes, “going ons” (that west side talk), and stank crazy yuppie, hippie crossbreeds that make it a subject of endless possibilities to cover and write about, onward and upward mother fuckers.

Happy Christmas Eve!

Happy Christmas Eve from Oak Park, Il blog!

One of the things my family use to do on Christmas Eve was that we open at least one gift on Christmas Eve. I mention this because I really can’t have my family come over due to all the land mines my neighbor’s like to have their dogs plant into the snow on the sidewalk.

Now I just have to wait until Christmas day to exchange presents and open them but at least my shoes will be clean! So happy Christmas Eve people!  

New YouTube playlist:“TP’s homework music”

Dudes, I have been stuck with homework up the ass this holiday season and the weather sucks so I had to create a YouTube playlist to keep my energy up for my homework, various pre-holiday activities and to keep my mind off the foolish that is Oak Park, IL or when I come from the laundry after I clean dog shit off my shoes.

Yes, I cleaned that GOD DAMN dog shit off in the laundry area sink I figure the same motherfuckers who leave their dog’s shit out on the sidewalk are the same ones who put their dog’s doggy beds in the building’s general public washing machines. Nasty fucks so now they can deal with their dog’s shit in the sink too!

Anyway, I made my cool and hyperactive playlist with 70’s to today’s music from a large pool of different artists and genres and I call it, “TP’s homework music” if you want to try it out this is the playlist’s link:

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLBTSySTdmLMrSNy6JHe6yzU7j2yv4RTT0

Oak Park, Il needs to adopt these signs today!

The other I was out in Berwyn and I parked near the depot at 32nd street and I saw this sign that was from the heavens itself! This “Clean up after your pet… $750.00 fine….”  Sign!

Talk about curbing your motherfucking dog, paying off Oak Park, Il budget deficit, and relief from stepping in dog shit for like, forever get these signs over into Oak Park, IL asap! I would personally miss days of work to report people leaving their dog’s shit everywhere and not picking it up and I do not think I am alone. Oak Park, Il needs to adopt this ordinance post these signs and collect some motherfucking money today!

I know some of these lazy ass bitches I see who smile at me as I walk by their dog shitting on the sidewalk would be singing another tune about leaving that poop down there from people to walk in.

Adopt these signs today!