Security in Oak Park, IL is a joke. No, Seriously

I have the worse locks on the face of the planet for all my doors did I tell you I had the master key to my building? Oh yeah so evidentially for some odd reason I just took a chance and used the front door to my apartment key on the front lobby door and it worked. Yeah. So, then I tried it again, again, and again. It worked for both doors I was like “what the fuck??!!!” Then providence stuck me with an idea: try out the back door.

Guess what? It worked there as well. Therefore, anyone with one of these keys, any one of my neighbors who wants to steal my 52-inch Television or wear my undies, smell my socks or jerk off on my bed can just walk in and do so. I told one of the property managers and he blew it off like “its Oak Park, IL not that bad an area” shit. Hence the chance of some dude wiping his ass with my toothbrush and putting it back so I can use it later is something no freak on earth ever thought of.

Hell, it means if this individual is sick enough they could come in at night and ram a cock in my ass, add on to that the idiotic police force here would say “it’s no evidence of breaking and entering” and “humor” me and my jacked-up asshole until they got done with their shift. All because someone had a master key. But I am the one with the key and I can go into any apartment I want and use their didoes in my ass if I wanted or their toothbrushes, eat their food, wipe my ass on their pillows to using mace on their commonly touched surfaces. Yeah if I was some crazy ass freak that is why I told the management staff to get me another key. I do not want to be the person who has a master key if there IS something that goes down at the apartment complex.

Shit, we have all watched enough Datelines on NBC to know I would be the easy suspect, my ass is too pretty for prison, literally. It took a lot to get the management company to change the locks and give me a different key like what the fuck But I got it done just took a couple of weeks. Weeks people, so much for security and having a lease that states the management company is “maintaining” the property as it should.

The lesson here is if you move to an apartment here in Oak Park, IL with Oak Park apartments i.e.: Green Plan Management, make sure you check the locks and have them change the locks before you MOVE IN. Who knows maybe even the old tenant has their old keys to your new place and could come by to visit you for lunch, while you are at work… that is if your neighbors don’t have a master key of their own and are already eating all your fucking lunch ables as you read this.

Thanks Oak Park, IL my new heels are covered in Dog shit

Okay usually as a writer I have something to “say” or write about, and this shithole Oak Park, IL is usually the bane of my existence so I write about that. However, do you know what I have been doing the last three days? Cleaning. Dog. Shit. Off my yellow Seychelles heels, I got from DSW four months ago! DOG SHIT!

I know what you are thinking:

Was she drunk as hell and just walked straight into a pile of shit, the lush?

Was she out late at night, dressing provocatively and this is the Universe telling her “don’t be out at night” type of thing?

Was she out late at night, and probably needs glasses because she did see that big pile of steamy shit, the dumb bitch??

The Answer is no to all that shit.

In fact, it was around 5:30 pm-ish when I came home I was just not paying attention. I know that is one of my golden rules when living in Oak Park, IL: do not let your guard down, pay attention. Well, I was on the phone with Sarah and talking about the weekend when I walked into a fresh pile of dog shit on the sidewalk. And obviously, it was a big dog or a human being who decided take a dump on the side of the main sidewalk in front of my building on Harvey. And either the owner did not clean up because they were too fucking lazy, or the latter I was just dealing with a disgusting human being who thought it was funny to take a shit. Right there. In front. Of the building.

If you know the type of shoes I am talking about you will realize I knew immediately I stepped in a fresh pile of shit. You know OPEN TOE heels it was so nasty I had to go immediately to the basement and wash not only my heel off but foot as well. It was so fucking nasty. I cried because I just started to wear these heels out and they complimented a bunch of outfits.

I had to use bleach, tomato sauce and three types of soap on my foot because it stunk like shit and this was on Monday so it was not like I had the weekend to get the smell out! Then my shoes I had to wash dry then wash again multiple times, I wiped it down with antibacterial wipes and then some lemon juice. After two days of airing out I think I can wear them but now I got like PSTD from this event that every time I look at them I think of stepping in squishy dog shit. Thanks, Oak Park, IL thanks.

The Oak Park Housing Center sucks

I went to this “housing center” and signed up, waited, and a few people came in after me.

There was this single white chick who signed up as well (the same time I came in) and a black dude trying to fill out the paperwork (for two hours).

When it came to calling people to talk one on one about finding a place (of Course) the chick was called first after we both sat there for 45-minutes. As she was leaving I saw her Oak park area print out was of the inner Oak Park area, you know, Lake street and Ridgeland, tons of circles. I managed to see it because she was standing in our way talking on the phone about to her mum as it was our turn to go in!

When we were called and were rushed through (no sh*t) the process in about 15 minutes and given some crappy listings on Austin Avenue. Really?

The area that is borderline Chicago?

Who goes into a housing Center for Oak Park to be given listings basically in Chicago?

Well, we did not go back. Now fast forward, I get an email from them wanting to know how our search is doing “the information will help their non-profit” really? MONTHS LATER???

Plus they GAVE ME a DEADLINE to get back to them! LOL

Please pass this up and do the work.

I got me a better place on my own than with this place!

 

Contributor: Omir

Increase in Rental rates in Oak Park, IL

It is no argument that renting here in Oak Park, Il sucks the village tries to nickel and dime you for everything as if you own a home here too. However now it seems most rental properties are trying to raise the rental prices in Oak Park, IL LOL and for what??? This is a shitty little village that is getting fleeced out by the minute, half the village that is affected by it is crying a river the other half that is not does not give a shit. But that is okay, charge people sky high prices and they will go elsewhere to Berwyn, Cicero, Oak Lawn, Orland Park, you know better suburbs with better city planning.

With a 9% increase in the rental prices people are no longer looking to come to Oak Park, IL now you may say “who gives a shit” but those are people who would move into the area and spend their dollars at local businesses and buy parking stickers for their cars, you know tax dollars that go to that stupid ass pool at the local school. Now those dollars will go elsewhere, it does not help that Oak Park, IL is losing its mystique as is, no longer the quaint peaceful darling of Chicagoland suburbs with all the development happening around town.

Destroying whatever romanticism, the names of Wright and Hemingway brought to this place now, you have all these factors pushing people out to the point that what really lies underneath the façade of Oak Park, Il really shines through. As a place that you cannot afford, a place of corporate shrills and sellouts, a place that only welcomes you if you are the “right fit” diversity my ass. Oak Park, Il does not want your ass here and it is finally showing it.

This article shows the increase in the Chicagoland area:

https://patch.com/illinois/oakpark/oak-park-rental-rates-have-skyrocketed-recent-years-report